The Dark Side of Kink: Writing what Scares Us
I received a distraught message from author Katherine Deane last week. She’s been hanging on the edge of writing age play for a few months now. On one hand, she gets it–she definitely has a latent “little” inside her dying to be disciplined by a stern daddy. On the other hand, age play squicks her out. She fears there’s some kind of incest-y vibe to it.
So what happens when we start to write about fantasies we know are “wrong,” like sexual slavery, rape, age play, non-consensual discipline, kidnapping, bondage, etc.?
In Katherine’s case, she started judging herself and she shut down completely, ready to throw out the story she started, crawl in a hole and stay there until her urge to explore this passed. Obviously, I didn’t encourage that option.
Author Emily Tilton agrees. “I remember the first time I wrote something a little violent. I can’t remember what it was, probably a rape scene. I was sure that it meant that I wanted that scene to happen. It took a long time before I understood that as much as fantasies feel like wishes, they are not wishes.”
Delving into the dark side of sexuality or the human psyche can be unnerving. The propensity to judge our very interest in something socially deplorable can make us want to back off. But in the end, it’s the exploration of that fantasy that helps bring it to the light. Living in shame of your curiosities, your fantasies is damaging. Take it from me–the girl who stayed in her spanko closet for forty years.
The very act of writing about these things helps us tease out why they are sexually charged for us, or what about them is sexually charged. And once we figure that out, we can embrace them with the healthiest possible expression. Obviously rape or non-consensual violence or bondage aren’t going to be healthy, but if you embrace your interest, the role-playing can be scorching hot.
About a year ago, I was telling my husband that some people are into medical BDSM. “I’m not really interested in that,” I told him.
“Of course you’re not,” he said, “You hate doctors.”
Oh yeah, right. Good point.
Being a good dom, he promptly treated me to a little medical play, which I giggled all the way through, but did, actually find quite hot. I realized it wasn’t so different from any other kind of domination. I decided to try my hand at writing a medical BDSM story. It became a form of therapy for me. What I quickly realized is that the reason I hate doctors is the very same thing that makes them hot in a D/s book: they lord a certain power or authority over one’s body. I managed to turn myself on writing the book and by the time I came out the other side of writing it, I found that I no longer felt tense and defensive about seeing a doctor. Like any D/s relationship, the top only holds the power if the bottom gives theirs up. Apparently I’d given mine up. I took it back. 🙂
Like Katherine, I’m also interested in exploring a book with ageplay. I started my first story last month and as I get into my character’s head, I find myself acting more like her–a bratty teen. My character is a victim in her own life, giving up her power to everyone around her and seething with frustration and child-like temper tantrums over it. What I’m planning for my character is that through exploring her “little” side with her sexy daddy dom, she will get clearer on what is childish behavior and what is not, and come out on the other side with maturity and grace in social situations that warrant it.
What I’m getting at, is that by digging into these scenarios, playing out our deepest darkest fantasies with the pen (okay, with the keyboard), we release some of the hold they have on us. We let go of shame, of judgement, of societal expectations. We figure out how to explore them in our real lives in healthy ways.
I encouraged Katherine to continue with her story, because I’m quite sure that by the time she completes it, she will have learned something about either herself, ageplay or both. I’m also confident that what she writes will be both hot and deep, capturing the very essence of the “little” psyche.
How about you? What have you written that scared you? What have you explored through your writing that deepened your understanding of either yourself or the subject and left you changed? Do these stories become substitutes for making the fantasies real in your life, or do you find ways, afterward, to express them in a juicy way?
I’d love to hear all your feedback!