Today we’re delighted to welcome Lubezilla to our blog. They have kindly chipped in some money for the Eroticon 2018 ticket pool – a fund that helps cover ticket cost for writers who otherwise wouldn’t be able to attend.
Lubezilla has recently launched their list of top sex-positive websites – a way to promote some of the great people who are spreading a sex-positive message. So I asked them to write a little something about what sex positivity means to them – and how championing great work can help to make change
On a hazy May morning, our talented team brainstormed over coffee, donuts, and monthly figures. Sexual Assault Prevention Month had just entered, and being unshakable believers of consent and healthy sex, the inevitable exchange of statistics and tirades against the issue ensued.
During this lengthy discussion, we learned that an astounding 17.7 million American women and 2.78 million American men had been victims of rape. If victims are not killed to prevent attackers from receiving punishment, survivors suffer from post-traumatic stress disorders, depression, and sadly, even unwanted pregnancies.
Sex is exhilarating. Magical. Invigorating. Supposedly a beautiful coupling of souls. And it’s nothing but a shame to hear the terrible things to which it turns into.
The numbers left us at a loss. Our next move couldn’t be just another marketing tactic.
Sex-positivity is a term that has been going around for some time, and although there are plenty of debates that surround this concept, for us it really only means embracing a healthy outlook towards sex. The growing understanding of sex and gender issues that we have seen in recent years was catalyzed when sex-positivity was introduced – finally, an intelligible approach to discussing such a complex issue. More of us understood. Finally, voices became louder.
Since people have been vocal about sex-positivity, we’ve seen strong unity in:
• Fighting rape culture
There is still too much tolerance for innuendos that continue to perpetuate rape culture. It’s so embedded in society that many cultures still find gender and rape jokes laughable.
Sex-positive blogs remind us of the little things we allow that take us steps back in this fight. Personal anecdotes and opinions that challenge the norm open our minds and these are the type of content the influencers that made it to our list regularly create.
• Breaking down gender stereotypes
When people appreciate sexuality as an integral part of themselves, it helps change their view of many long-held beliefs of the matter. We agreed that the more often we talk about sex-positivity, the harder we can break down existing gender stereotypes. When we eliminate the inequality between sexes, we tear down the barrier that generalizes which gender has to adjust to whom. This gives every individual the freedom to express themselves without the fear of being labelled or exploited.
In a society where the norms program men to feel more powerful, thus viewing women as objects, sex-positivity teaches us to respect every individual’s preferences and treat each other equally.
• Call for a comprehensive sex education
Our formative years are indeed critical; it is during this time that we learn values, develop beliefs, and start to become aware of our privilege, power, and status.
Promoting and carrying out comprehensive sex education, especially to the youth, could effectively affect their behavior towards sex. It has been proven that sex education does not increase sexual initiation nor does it encourage children to initiate sex. It actually results in people having fewer sexual partners on average and a lower incidence of unprotected sex.
• Promoting responsible parenthood
Raising kids to believe that sex is a sensitive matter to be discussed is rooted deep in our norms that we fail to see that this brings more harm than good. The idea of bringing up children who believe that sex is taboo only heightens their curiosity, leading them to try things and be scared of asking. These results in many unwanted pregnancies and children growing up dealing with a void brought about by irresponsible parenting. It comes with far-reaching effects on the development of the kids experimenting things on their own. Promoting responsible parenthood by educating the kids while they are young can lead to the prevention of teen pregnancies and rape.
• Fostering self-love
Sex-positivity helps us get comfortable with what satisfies us. It teaches us how to abolish our insecurities and frees us from the familiar corners of mediocrity that we have been brought up to. Sex is good but paving our way in creating a good relationship with it is oftentimes hard. The top 50 sex-positive sites we promote advocate knowledge on intimacy not just with another person but with one’s self – something we regularly need a dose of in a society preoccupied with standards and unfair beliefs.